Unmemorable memories
2020IMAGES COMING SOON
During my first years on this planet, my existence was obsessively recorded in every way possible. However, due to trauma, I can barely remember anything from my childhood.
Through all the evidence of my existence that has been collected throughout the years, I started to base my memories on that and they started to lead a new life of their own.
I know myself how I am today, who I am now.
I don't know the person who was there before me today. That person is a haze to me. A vague appearance. Another person. A person who has gone through a downright hell and who - for the good cause - made me forget all the bad things that happened. Unfortunately they also took away all the good memories.
Because the majority of my childhood memories are made up of invented memories, means that images from before my birth are also of great importance to me.
I feel the same looking at an ultrasound of myself as I do with a photograph of six years old me. I can't remember any of those moments. The ultrasounds also show the purity of the child. Life has yet to begin.
It is a self-portrait.
It is remembering events and a time
that I cannot possibly remember.
That does not mean that the event never happened.
The images are the evidence.
It is me, alive, not born yet.
I cannot remember these moments, but that does not mean that I have not experienced them. These images are the evidence of the happening of time.